Kingdom Hearts: It's Srs Bsns
by nirerin
Summary: Simply a crack fic I wrote for my amusement while hopped up on caffeine. Sora and Riku are going to fight Xemnas but with a few funny twists. R&R if you wish. :D


IT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO MAKE SENSE.

I wrote this whilst hopped up on some serious caffeine, so needless to say, much crack ensued. This is my first ever crack fic and I have to say, I'm very happy with it. You don't have to like it but it was incredibly fun to write; only took me about half an hour. Oh, and I'm very very against using chatspeak in fics but I did it here to help with the feel of the story. I wouldn't normally do that but this time I made an exception. *brick'd*

**Disclaimer: I don't own the characters of Kingdom Hearts. They rightfully belong to Tetsuya Nomura and Square Enix/Disney. I am only taking them and using them for my crack-filled enjoyment. D**

So, yeah. Comment and/or critique if you wish~ :3

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"OMG, SQUIRREL!" Sora shrieked dashing after the critter. In his recklessness, he swung his Keyblade around, nearly hitting Riku.

"So-_ra_!" Riku scolded. "Watch where you're going!"

Suddenly, Sora's cell phone went off.

"Do you like waffles?"

"Yeah, we like waffles!"

"Do you like pancakes?"

"Yeah, we like pancakes!"

"Hellooooooo?" Sora sang when he picked up. "Oh, hey, Kairi! Nothin' much, me 'n Riku are just gonna go fight Mansex now. Orly? You and Naminé are gonna be cheerleaders?! That's fantastical! Mkay, we'll see you there~" Closing the phone, he skipped over to Riku. "Guess what?! Kairi and Nam-"

"I heard," Riku cut him off. "Let's just get on with it, shall we?" They continued along in The World That Never Was, defeating a few Shadows and Neoshadows here and there, but it was mostly Riku that did the work. Donald and Goofy had chickened out, along with King Mickey, so they all went back to the castle.

Finally, they reached the door leading to Mansex. When they went through it, they were almost immediately assaulted by skyscrapers coming out of the ground.

"Aieeee!" Sora shrieked, running in the opposite direction. "They're gonna eat meeeeee!"

"Oh, for the love of Pete," Riku growled under his breath. He dashed towards the buildings and cut through them easily. Turning around, he saw Sora in the fetal position a few yards away. Striding over, he gripped the brunette's arm and yanked him to his feet. "Move it!"

"Why you gotta be so mean?" Sora pouted, trailing behind Riku.

After more fiascoes involving Sora crying and Riku doing all the work, they finally reached Mansex in his cool-looking cloak.

"Heroes from the realm of light... I will-"

"Yeah, yeah." Riku interrupted. "Quit yer yapping and just start attacking us, all right?"

Enraged that he didn't get to monologue, Mansex leaped into action. Sora screamed again and swung his Keyblade at random, clocking Riku in the face.

"Oh, snap!" They heard in the distance. Kairi and Naminé had showed up, complete with pom-poms and megaphones. "Riku, Riku, he hit you! So now whatchu gonna do?" They screamed in unision.

"OW! Son of a-" Riku howled, clutching his nose.

"Omg, I'm so sorry!" Sora said, running over to his friend. "Is there anything I can do to-" He was cut off by Riku's fist in his face. He immediately burst into tears. "W-what did you d-do that for, you m-meanie?" he hiccuped.

"Becuth I'm thick of doing _your_ word." Riku said through the blood flow. "You are thuch a worthleth panthy!"

Mansex stood there in amusement, seeing no need to attack. _'They're doing more damage to each other than I was, so I'll just let them go at it. Less work for me.'_

"Sora, Sora, you're a jerk! You should learn to do your work!" Naminé and Kairi shouted.

Sobbing even harder, Sora started to run out of the room. All of a sudden, Axel ninja-poofed into the room. "SHOT TO THE HEAD!" he bellowed and promptly shot Sora in the head with a pistol.

This caused Riku to both die of happiness and too much blood loss. Kairi and Naminé ended up strangling each other to death because of a stupid whore-style argument. And Mansex went on to rule the world, eventually plunging it into destruction and chaos but killing himself in the end because, well... I can't think of a reason. He just did it.

THE END KBAI


End file.
